i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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