Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this hospital has no fireball
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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