Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
