Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
