I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Four minutes until I can fart!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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