She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
