I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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