its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
