I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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