pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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