Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
