Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
