He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
