take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
