"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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