I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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