We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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