Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
