SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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