my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
