he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
