Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Green mimosas i think yes
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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