does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
