The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
