i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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