she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
