Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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