Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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