he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
