I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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