You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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