Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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