Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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