well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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