I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
