I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
