why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
