i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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