I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
