my soul wont recognize me after tonight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
