If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
