Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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