I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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