My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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