omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
