Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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