I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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