Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
