so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
