miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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