what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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