he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
