I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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