Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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