that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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