I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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