i just wanna soil my oats bro
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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