I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
