I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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