I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
