He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
