After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
