...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
