I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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