i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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