oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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